O.K., now onto the real content of this post...
I found myself in a very grumpy mood last night around 9. I had gone several rounds with Sydney trying to get her to sleep, and had finally made my way back downstairs (with an armful of laundry) to (hopefully) enjoy a little quiet time before bed. I reached the last step, looked around, and started seething. Toys everywhere. Dishes everywhere. NOTHING, I repeat, NOTHING was in its place. A very busy day had left my home looking very, very untidy, and [GASP] dirty. I found myself feeling very weary, very frustrated, and very...guilty.
How can I possibly be mad?...
You see, becoming a mom was not easy for me. I had four miscarriages in 2 years...It is impossible to understand that kind of loss (miscarriage) unless you have personally experienced it. Words can't describe it so I'm not going to try. Anyways, I promised myself that I would never lose perspective of what really matters if God decided to bless me with children, and after two years he did!!
I finally became pregnant (and stayed pregnant) with Rex in August of 2010. He is my miracle baby.
We got pregnant (and stayed pregnant) with Sydney just shy of Rex's first birthday. She is my happy little surprise.
We are beyond blessed!
Kids come with messes. It's part of the deal. I knew that... So why? Why is a little mess so hard for me to handle? Why have I lost perspective? I am using the phrase "a little mess" pretty loosely here. In my defense, our house very closely resembles a daycare most days, and many (if not all) surfaces are at least a little bit sticky or covered in finger prints and dog hair. Did I mention that we have two dogs? Seriously. What was I thinking? I must have lost my Type A mind temporarily. It's the only possible explanation. Anyways, I clean. I do. It just gets undone... which in turn leads to me coming undone...What's a type A mommy to do?
After a lot of thought (coupled with some encouragement in the form a FB post from an old college friend), I have decided there is nothing I can do aside from changing the way I see things. I need to train my brain to see the beauty in the toy strewn room and smudges because joy and purpose accompany tripping hazards and sticky counters. My house doesn't meet my very type A standards most of the time anymore, but my home is perfect...because of the kids in it :).
It's easy to lose sight of all that we have to be thankful for in life. It doesn't help that we now live in an alternate universe where toddlers rule the world. ;)
ReplyDeleteSarah, you're an incredible mother. Being at home is not easy. You handle yourself very well and you are truly blessed with those angels. And with those angels comes the mess. But wouldn't it be even more heartbreaking to come down those steps to a room with everything in order, a room free of toys, a room lacking life and laughter and smiling faces? I just have to keep telling myself this mess won't be forever and maybe someday I'll even miss it...Hard to believe my Holden is going to be 5 already. He is growing up way too fast!
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